Living with Uncertainty

Coping with uncertainty, including not being sure of what the future looks like or what’s to come, can be overwhelming and unsettling. This I have come across for people struggling with job loss, new diagnoses, the COVID-19 pandemic, and various other hardships that seemingly come out of nowhere. But I am here to tell you that while living in uncertainty can feel unsettling and overwhelming at first there some ways to live a little more comfortably in this space.

First, let’s take a closer look at why living in a state of uncertainty can be hard and also the positive that can come from this. We know from the research that sometimes you have to get a little uncomfortable and dive into uncertainty in order to come out the other side having grown and transformed. This is why various sayings such as “happiness lies on the other side of your comfort zone” exist. There are wonderful things that can come from diving headfirst into the depths of uncertainty. When we push ourselves to the uncomfortable, and therefore often unfamiliar and uncertain, spaces we are forced to explore, examine, and grow as we attempt to find meaning and order again. It is in that space, just outside your norm and sense of certainty, that creativity and opportunities can arise. 

So why is uncertainty so hard to live with? One of the main reasons is simply because it can generate feelings of lack of control and, as humans, we like to think we have control over as much of our lives and our day to day as possible. It is normal to want to have some certainty, structure, and sense of safety in life. Feeling in control, whether one is actually in control or not, often allows one to feel more safe and secure. When uncertainty arises, we may start to feel out of control which then can lead to anxiety and stress and fear. Therefore, one of the reasons why living in uncertainty can be painful is because it can serve as a reminder of our lack of control.

It makes sense then that one of those most powerful ways of managing uncomfortable feelings associated with uncertainty is to find those things that you can in fact can control even amidst the chaos. Regardless of what you are going through, there is always something in your reach that you do have some control over. For example, while you may not be able to control a new medical diagnosis, you can control how you want to approach it, who you share information with, how you want to feel about it, what you want your illness journey and care to look like, how/if you ask for help and from whom, etc. So when feeling somewhat unsure, try to focus on those things you do in fact have control over.

While you may not be able to get rid of the initial reason for the uncertainty or change, focusing on and working toward those things you can control will help bring clarity and a sense of balance as you move your way through it.

Take it slowly and try keeping your eye on the step ahead rather than the whole staircase.