Goodmorning Postpartum.
Mornings can be really hard in those early weeks. You’ve probably thought a thousand times about sleep. Getting back to sleep. Being tired. And then— the final wake up comes. The sun is shining and a new day has started.
Maybe there’s a sense of relief there. After all, you’ve made it through another night. Maybe there’s also some dread for knowing you’ll be tired again today after another sleepless night. Maybe it’s your first time going through this, or maybe you’re a seasoned postpartum veteran. Every day, and every experience, is different for each unique person (and unique baby). Sometimes, through the stretches of nights bleeding into days and days turning into weeks, all we have to fall back on are simple tools to help us navigate a complex time in our lives.
So here are some tips and tricks for the tired postpartum parent.
Create a small structure to your day.
This can be as simple as coffee every morning during that first feed or listening to a podcast or a song you enjoy. Something small that you look forward to each morning.
Shower.
I know this can be daunting while still getting your footing. But do it tired and do it anyway. It can be quick. The point is take care of yourself even if it has to be short. Put baby in the bouncer if that’s the only way.
Let there be light.
Open the curtains and be near light whenever possible.
Inhale. Exhale.
I know I know you’ve heard it before. But breathing postpartum is not only important for your mental health but also for healing your physical body. Whether you gave actual birth or you didn’t, your body may be tired and tweaked in ways to care for your baby. Take a few mins to breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in, hold for four counts, and breathe out, hold for four counts. Contract and then release your diaphragm as you move through this. Your physical is intertwined with your emotional and activating and soothing your nervous system is a small way to help us connect one to the other during a time that can oftentimes can disconnect our mind from our bodies.
Talk to others.
If you’re feeling something, say something. If a phone call or in person feels too much, do it via text. Decide who you feel most comfortable with, someone who can truly hold space for you, and be honest with where you’re at. Know that whatever it is, it’s completely normal and that feelings will ebb and flow day to day. Connecting in small ways to trusted people and/or other parents who get it, may help.
Remember “yes, AND”. Grief AND joy can exist side by side.
This time is so complex. There is loss associated with a new identity forming as many work to integrate this new part of themselves into the previous version. There are often hormones and exhaustion at play. It makes sense that one second you may be smiling and the next second worried or stressed. Comparison loops may occur, impulsive thoughts may trickle in at times, and a myriad of other grief and joyful moments. All feelings are valid and two seemingly opposites often co exist in postpartum as we ping pong between the two..
Your negative thoughts are not reality.
Yes your thoughts matter. But the challenge is when we believe our thoughts define us. They often represent our fears or exhaustion, rather than always being part of our identity or reality. Thoughts come and go, just like feelings. It’s normal to have a variety of them when tired or hormonal or lacking time to connect to self. Sending you this reminder as a token of comfort on the harder days when it feels like our negative thoughts are running the show.
Orchestrate small joys in the day.
For each person, this means something different. This can also change as you move along the postpartum pendulum. In the early days it can be small like drinking a full glass of water slowly with something nutritious for breakfast or opening the windows to let fresh air in. Later on depending on where you’re at, it can include things like a walk outside, calling a friend, taking your vitamins, showering or bathing, eating something you enjoy, etc. This time is not about “doing” just to be productive, but rather is about learning how to “be”. Being present. Being with self. Being with your baby. Find small joys for mindfulness and presence amidst the day to day.
Even though it can feel like it sometimes — you are not alone.
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
Reach out to a therapist if you’re wanting extra support. It can be flexible. Baby can join. Virtual makes this even easier to access.